Sunday, June 14, 2009

Sleep -- or Rather, the Lack Thereof

I was reviewing all of the writings I have saved on my computer and found the below journal entry that I wrote over a year ago. I don't usually post a blog on weekends, but realizing that I was reading this entry at 3AM on a Sunday morning, I thought it most appropriate to post.

It is 3AM on Sunday morning and I am, once again, wide awake. Why can’t I sleep? What is going on in my life, my head, and my mind that prevents REM?

Some thoughts dance through my mind like butterflies – barely lighting before moving on. Other thoughts move through my mind like turtles – slow, ponderous, heavy thoughts that weigh me down like quicksand.

Legs move and twitch – restless. Tossing and turning – no relaxing, comfortable spot to be found on a mattress that is “guaranteed” to make you sleep. HA! Mind flies – free-floating thoughts. Husband is in constant pain. Adult children – facing challenging situations. Grandson – problems at school. Parents – growing more feeble and frail with every passing day.

How do I stop these thoughts in the early morning hours? Experts have suggested, “Do this” or “don’t do that” but they don’t have my life. They don’t live inside my mind. Stress, anxiety, worry, concerns, fears. Where is the peace? Where is the sleep?

The sound of rain outside my window should bring peace and relaxation, lulling me to sleep. Rather it seems to add to the butterfly-moving thoughts flitting through my mind.

Where is the peace? Where is the sleep? Suppose I name off these thoughts – these worries and anxieties – to God in prayer. Will that bring me sleep and peace? Why not try? Can’t hurt, can it?

“God, here are my worries and concerns:
Husband – in constant pain
Adult children – facing challenging situations
Grandson – problems at school
Parents – more feeble and frail every day……”


Thoughts in the mind are like
butterflies, flitting
to and fro.
Alighting from flower to flower
drinking sweet nectar
leaving nothing.
mind empty.

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