Many times, we do not realize how blessed we are. Life is not easy and all families go through difficulties at one time or another. Our spouse gets sick. Or we lose our job. Our parents grow older, feeble and frail and we are faced with decisions that must be made regarding the remaining years they have here on earth. A child becomes seriously ill. Everyone struggles, even Christians. But it seems to me that some peoples' struggles are far more challenging and last much longer than other people's struggles. That applies to my special guest blogger today, Tiffany Colter. Tiffany’s family has gone through so much in these last few years. But rather than give up, Tiffany and her husband “dug their heels in” and depended on God to see them through.
The link to Tiffany’s testimony is here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXkBbvl-0bc
If you don’t accomplish anything else today, take the time to listen to Tiffany’s testimony. I promise you will be moved and you will be grateful for God’s blessings on your life and the life of your family.
Please contact Tiffany at: http://www.writingcareercoach.com/ and share with her how her testimony has increased your faith!
Monday, June 29, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Rejections and Selections
On Friday morning of the Convocation, Bishop David Simpson spoke on the challenges of convergence worship and three temptations regarding those challenges. Today, I want to share my thoughts on two of those temptations – but relating to the church universal and not to convergence worship. My thanks to Bishop Simpson for kick-starting my thoughts on these two temptations.
Temptation # 1: Rejecting the old in favor of the new.
I believe many churches have rejected the “old” over the past two decades. The old traditional hymns, the serving of the Eucharist, the “community” of believers found in the church. Instead, church became “seeker friendly.” In other words, the church tried to adopt itself to the world in an effort to bring more people into their membership. Please understand that I am not criticizing or judging other churches. I understand the desire to see your church grow. I have just started my 15th year as a Church Business Administrator. I know what it is like to need more people to volunteer for the various ministries of the church. I definitely know what it is like to need people who are faithful to tithe so that the church can pay the utilities every month. There is nothing inherently wrong with having praise bands or drama teams or a dance ministry. These and other groups can add tremendously to the worship services. But when the Table of the Lord is moved off of the center of the altar so that a motorcycle can be ridden through the sanctuary up onto the altar, the church has gone too far. When giving your tithes and offerings, which is an act of worship in and of itself, becomes a convenient drive-by drop-off, the church has gone too far. I am saying that when churches mix the world and the world’s attitudes with their worship, teaching and preaching, they have gone beyond “rejecting the old in favor of the new.” Instead of the 11 AM Worship Hour, we now have the 11 AM Entertainment Hour. And the pendulum between old and new has swung far to the left. We need to bring it back to the center by going back to the basics – the hymns, the serving of the Eucharist more than once a quarter, the table of the Lord front and center of the altar, fellowshipping and being a family together. Then when these things are re-established, add the praise band with some current worship songs or the occasional dance in worship. The entire point of this rambling is to say that the church needs to get its focus back on God during worship. That is what will draw people into the church.
Temptation # 2: Avoid the smorgasbord approach.
This statement applies to us in at least two ways. First, we cannot take a smorgasbord approach to the Bible. We can’t pick and choose from the Bible what we like and what we don’t like. Those Scriptures we like we apply to our lives and the Scriptures we don’t like we ignore. It doesn’t work that way. All of the Scriptures – every verse in every book – applies to all of us.
We can’t use the smorgasbord approach to church either. We can’t pick and choose what part of our church’s programs we like and will participate in. That’s not to say that we serve on every committee, show up every time the doors are unlocked. What it does mean is we support our church with our attendance on Sundays, our prayers through the week and our tithes every pay day. We give of our talent and our time. We support our pastor through prayers and encouragement. We do not have “roast pastor” for lunch on Sunday. We support our Rector’s Council, or Elders or Board of Deacons – whatever your church calls the governing authority of the church – with our prayers. We participate in the activities of the church. Most importantly, we pray and ask God what He wants us to do in the church. We ask Him to show us our place in the church. Then we are obedient to His call.
I am sure there are more temptations when it comes to being involved in the church; pray about this and ask God to show you where and when you are falling prey to temptation. Ask for and receive forgiveness and then choose to follow the entire Bible and to fully support your church.
Temptation # 1: Rejecting the old in favor of the new.
I believe many churches have rejected the “old” over the past two decades. The old traditional hymns, the serving of the Eucharist, the “community” of believers found in the church. Instead, church became “seeker friendly.” In other words, the church tried to adopt itself to the world in an effort to bring more people into their membership. Please understand that I am not criticizing or judging other churches. I understand the desire to see your church grow. I have just started my 15th year as a Church Business Administrator. I know what it is like to need more people to volunteer for the various ministries of the church. I definitely know what it is like to need people who are faithful to tithe so that the church can pay the utilities every month. There is nothing inherently wrong with having praise bands or drama teams or a dance ministry. These and other groups can add tremendously to the worship services. But when the Table of the Lord is moved off of the center of the altar so that a motorcycle can be ridden through the sanctuary up onto the altar, the church has gone too far. When giving your tithes and offerings, which is an act of worship in and of itself, becomes a convenient drive-by drop-off, the church has gone too far. I am saying that when churches mix the world and the world’s attitudes with their worship, teaching and preaching, they have gone beyond “rejecting the old in favor of the new.” Instead of the 11 AM Worship Hour, we now have the 11 AM Entertainment Hour. And the pendulum between old and new has swung far to the left. We need to bring it back to the center by going back to the basics – the hymns, the serving of the Eucharist more than once a quarter, the table of the Lord front and center of the altar, fellowshipping and being a family together. Then when these things are re-established, add the praise band with some current worship songs or the occasional dance in worship. The entire point of this rambling is to say that the church needs to get its focus back on God during worship. That is what will draw people into the church.
Temptation # 2: Avoid the smorgasbord approach.
This statement applies to us in at least two ways. First, we cannot take a smorgasbord approach to the Bible. We can’t pick and choose from the Bible what we like and what we don’t like. Those Scriptures we like we apply to our lives and the Scriptures we don’t like we ignore. It doesn’t work that way. All of the Scriptures – every verse in every book – applies to all of us.
We can’t use the smorgasbord approach to church either. We can’t pick and choose what part of our church’s programs we like and will participate in. That’s not to say that we serve on every committee, show up every time the doors are unlocked. What it does mean is we support our church with our attendance on Sundays, our prayers through the week and our tithes every pay day. We give of our talent and our time. We support our pastor through prayers and encouragement. We do not have “roast pastor” for lunch on Sunday. We support our Rector’s Council, or Elders or Board of Deacons – whatever your church calls the governing authority of the church – with our prayers. We participate in the activities of the church. Most importantly, we pray and ask God what He wants us to do in the church. We ask Him to show us our place in the church. Then we are obedient to His call.
I am sure there are more temptations when it comes to being involved in the church; pray about this and ask God to show you where and when you are falling prey to temptation. Ask for and receive forgiveness and then choose to follow the entire Bible and to fully support your church.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
The Original Call
“Whenever you are in a place and you don’t know why you are there, go back to your original call.”
This was the first sentence of a sermon preached by the Patriarch of the Charismatic Episcopal Church (CEC), The Most Reverend Craig Bates, on Wednesday night, June 17, 2009. We were attending the opening service of the Provincial Convocation of the Southeast Diocese of the CEC. (See Tuesday’s blog for an explanation on the CEC.)
“Whenever you are in a place and you don’t know why you are there, go back to your original call.” As soon as I heard this sentence, I was hooked. It was as if the Patriarch was speaking to me only. All of my life I have struggled with what I was supposed to do for a career; what was God calling me to do? I have gone from one calling to a different job, to another calling, to another job all of my life – seeking my place. You may think I’m exaggerating, but believe me, I’m not. As a teenager, I worked at Newnan Hospital as what was known then as a “Blue Skirt.” We were trained to make beds, give bed baths, assist with meals, and other duties that freed the nurses to do what they were there to do. I loved that job and wanted to be a nurse. I took two quarters of nursing school and decided that maybe that wasn’t for me after all. I changed majors and studied music. I knew that God have given me a talent in piano playing and I decided this must be what He wanted me to do. (Note I said “I decided” not – this is what God said I was to do.) Before I received my degree, I dropped out of college and got married, promising my parents I would get that degree in music. That particular degree still eludes me. Once I got married, I began working in the administration/office management field.
I do know that God has given me the gift of administration. I can organize anything – from a closet to a convention for 16,000. I can organize an office or a person. I have lists of things to do and I’ve been known to make a list of all the lists I have. I have worked in the administration field for 35 years. So, I know in that respect, I have been on the right track.
If I’ve gotten the “professional” aspect correct, that leaves the ministry aspect. What has God called me to do in ministry? I have, over the years, waffled on that call. Now, before I list the litany of what areas within the church I’ve worked, please listen: there is nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with working in more than one area of the church. Most churches need all the volunteers available to fill the open positions in their ministries. My point is I did all of these things trying to determine what God was calling me to do in ministry. Here’s the list: nursery worker, pianist/keyboardist for worship team(s); Choir Director; Sunday School teacher; taught numerous classes in the last ten years; counselor; Director of Prayer Ministry; the list goes on.
I did learn some things about myself during this time: I learned that I love to teach adults and I love to counsel. During this time, I received my BA in Christian Counseling. I believed that these two things were a part of my calling, but I also felt there was more to it than that. For over 17 years, I have had a heart for women, especially women who have been deeply wounded emotionally. My desire has been and still is to help women forgive those who wounded them, to become the women of God that He has called them to be and to see themselves as God sees them, not as the world sees them.
If these three areas – teaching, counseling and working with women – were not enough, God threw writing into the mix, writing for women. Is anyone beginning to see the theme here?
Have you ever found yourself in a place where you are not even sure how you got there, much less why you are there? And you’re so overwhelmed with everything you think you are supposed to do, that you procrastinate on doing anything? That was me on Wednesday night, June 17, 2009. So when the Patriarch began his message with the sentence “Whenever you are in a place and you don’t know why you are there, go back to your original call,” my attention was focused on hearing what he had to say. And his message was quite simple, yet profound. What was my original call? What is the Father doing? What is God doing right now in our midst?
I began to think of my original call. Yes, I did have an original call and yes, I did know what the call was. When I was 11, maybe 12, I truly believed that God was calling me to the mission field. I believed it so strongly that one Sunday I went forward during the altar call and told my Pastor who promptly announced to the congregation that I was called to the mission field. Imagine the look of total and utter shock on my parents’ faces as they had no idea any of this was going on with me.
That call never came to fruition. Over the years, I decided that maybe I had not heard correctly, and yet, that call was always in the back of my mind. Sometimes I felt guilty, blaming myself for not pursuing that call. Many times I questioned the call – after all, I was a young kid – I probably didn’t hear correctly or maybe I was moved by the emotional moment. Whatever the reason(s), I never became a missionary. But on Wednesday night, June 17, I went back to that original call. And here is what I heard the Lord say to me:
“I called you to the mission field when you were a child. I called you to the
mission field in your own backyard. You are a missionary to every woman
you meet.”
WOW. There it was, after all these years of wondering. I am to minister to women through teaching, counseling and writing (this does not exclude men to be counseled with their wives or in attending classes). I even re-wrote my mission statement: “To show the love of God and His healing power to women through teaching, counseling and writing.”
Today, I ask you. What was your original call? Go back to it and make sure you are fulfilling it. If not, ask God to show you what you need to do in order to fulfill your call. He will answer you.
This was the first sentence of a sermon preached by the Patriarch of the Charismatic Episcopal Church (CEC), The Most Reverend Craig Bates, on Wednesday night, June 17, 2009. We were attending the opening service of the Provincial Convocation of the Southeast Diocese of the CEC. (See Tuesday’s blog for an explanation on the CEC.)
“Whenever you are in a place and you don’t know why you are there, go back to your original call.” As soon as I heard this sentence, I was hooked. It was as if the Patriarch was speaking to me only. All of my life I have struggled with what I was supposed to do for a career; what was God calling me to do? I have gone from one calling to a different job, to another calling, to another job all of my life – seeking my place. You may think I’m exaggerating, but believe me, I’m not. As a teenager, I worked at Newnan Hospital as what was known then as a “Blue Skirt.” We were trained to make beds, give bed baths, assist with meals, and other duties that freed the nurses to do what they were there to do. I loved that job and wanted to be a nurse. I took two quarters of nursing school and decided that maybe that wasn’t for me after all. I changed majors and studied music. I knew that God have given me a talent in piano playing and I decided this must be what He wanted me to do. (Note I said “I decided” not – this is what God said I was to do.) Before I received my degree, I dropped out of college and got married, promising my parents I would get that degree in music. That particular degree still eludes me. Once I got married, I began working in the administration/office management field.
I do know that God has given me the gift of administration. I can organize anything – from a closet to a convention for 16,000. I can organize an office or a person. I have lists of things to do and I’ve been known to make a list of all the lists I have. I have worked in the administration field for 35 years. So, I know in that respect, I have been on the right track.
If I’ve gotten the “professional” aspect correct, that leaves the ministry aspect. What has God called me to do in ministry? I have, over the years, waffled on that call. Now, before I list the litany of what areas within the church I’ve worked, please listen: there is nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with working in more than one area of the church. Most churches need all the volunteers available to fill the open positions in their ministries. My point is I did all of these things trying to determine what God was calling me to do in ministry. Here’s the list: nursery worker, pianist/keyboardist for worship team(s); Choir Director; Sunday School teacher; taught numerous classes in the last ten years; counselor; Director of Prayer Ministry; the list goes on.
I did learn some things about myself during this time: I learned that I love to teach adults and I love to counsel. During this time, I received my BA in Christian Counseling. I believed that these two things were a part of my calling, but I also felt there was more to it than that. For over 17 years, I have had a heart for women, especially women who have been deeply wounded emotionally. My desire has been and still is to help women forgive those who wounded them, to become the women of God that He has called them to be and to see themselves as God sees them, not as the world sees them.
If these three areas – teaching, counseling and working with women – were not enough, God threw writing into the mix, writing for women. Is anyone beginning to see the theme here?
Have you ever found yourself in a place where you are not even sure how you got there, much less why you are there? And you’re so overwhelmed with everything you think you are supposed to do, that you procrastinate on doing anything? That was me on Wednesday night, June 17, 2009. So when the Patriarch began his message with the sentence “Whenever you are in a place and you don’t know why you are there, go back to your original call,” my attention was focused on hearing what he had to say. And his message was quite simple, yet profound. What was my original call? What is the Father doing? What is God doing right now in our midst?
I began to think of my original call. Yes, I did have an original call and yes, I did know what the call was. When I was 11, maybe 12, I truly believed that God was calling me to the mission field. I believed it so strongly that one Sunday I went forward during the altar call and told my Pastor who promptly announced to the congregation that I was called to the mission field. Imagine the look of total and utter shock on my parents’ faces as they had no idea any of this was going on with me.
That call never came to fruition. Over the years, I decided that maybe I had not heard correctly, and yet, that call was always in the back of my mind. Sometimes I felt guilty, blaming myself for not pursuing that call. Many times I questioned the call – after all, I was a young kid – I probably didn’t hear correctly or maybe I was moved by the emotional moment. Whatever the reason(s), I never became a missionary. But on Wednesday night, June 17, I went back to that original call. And here is what I heard the Lord say to me:
“I called you to the mission field when you were a child. I called you to the
mission field in your own backyard. You are a missionary to every woman
you meet.”
WOW. There it was, after all these years of wondering. I am to minister to women through teaching, counseling and writing (this does not exclude men to be counseled with their wives or in attending classes). I even re-wrote my mission statement: “To show the love of God and His healing power to women through teaching, counseling and writing.”
Today, I ask you. What was your original call? Go back to it and make sure you are fulfilling it. If not, ask God to show you what you need to do in order to fulfill your call. He will answer you.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Convocation
Last week was one of the most exciting weeks experienced in the life of my church. I attend Christ the King Charismatic Episcopal Church. For those of you reading this blog who are not familiar with the Charismatic Episcopal Church (CEC), let me give you a brief background.
Compared to other denominations, the CEC is young; the first meeting was held on June 26, 1992. The CEC did not branch off of the Episcopal or Anglican Church, but rather, was “birthed out of worship,” as our Patriarch, The Most Reverend Craig Bates, told us last week.
The CEC is based on a movement in the church universal today that is known as “convergence worship.” Simply put, this means that our worship is fully charismatic (Spirit-filled), fully evangelical (the Bible is taught and preached in our churches and the Word is carried out to the nations), and fully sacramental/liturgical (we have liturgical readings and responses and we celebrate the Eucharist (Communion) every Sunday.) For more information about the Charismatic Episcopal Church visit the website at www.ICCEC.org or www.CEChome.org.
Last week our church hosted the Provincial Convocation (which is a very fancy way of saying annual meeting) of the Southeast Diocese, beginning on Wednesday evening and ending at the close of the worship service on Friday evening. We were honored to have as our keynote speaker the Patriarch of the CEC, the Most Reverend Craig Bates, as well as the Archbishop of the Southeast Diocese, The Most Reverend Chuck Jones and many other distinguished Bishops and priests.
Patriarch Bates preached on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday nights. General Sessions were held Thursday and Friday mornings and workshops were offered both afternoons. The culmination of the convocation was the enthronement of Father David Epps to the Bishop of the Mid-South Diocese.
Today’s blog is the introduction/background information for the remaining blogs for this week. I will be blogging on messages preached and lessons learned, gifts used and reconnecting with old friends and making new ones. Please come back every day this week! And if you ever want to visit Christ the King, the door is always open!
Compared to other denominations, the CEC is young; the first meeting was held on June 26, 1992. The CEC did not branch off of the Episcopal or Anglican Church, but rather, was “birthed out of worship,” as our Patriarch, The Most Reverend Craig Bates, told us last week.
The CEC is based on a movement in the church universal today that is known as “convergence worship.” Simply put, this means that our worship is fully charismatic (Spirit-filled), fully evangelical (the Bible is taught and preached in our churches and the Word is carried out to the nations), and fully sacramental/liturgical (we have liturgical readings and responses and we celebrate the Eucharist (Communion) every Sunday.) For more information about the Charismatic Episcopal Church visit the website at www.ICCEC.org or www.CEChome.org.
Last week our church hosted the Provincial Convocation (which is a very fancy way of saying annual meeting) of the Southeast Diocese, beginning on Wednesday evening and ending at the close of the worship service on Friday evening. We were honored to have as our keynote speaker the Patriarch of the CEC, the Most Reverend Craig Bates, as well as the Archbishop of the Southeast Diocese, The Most Reverend Chuck Jones and many other distinguished Bishops and priests.
Patriarch Bates preached on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday nights. General Sessions were held Thursday and Friday mornings and workshops were offered both afternoons. The culmination of the convocation was the enthronement of Father David Epps to the Bishop of the Mid-South Diocese.
Today’s blog is the introduction/background information for the remaining blogs for this week. I will be blogging on messages preached and lessons learned, gifts used and reconnecting with old friends and making new ones. Please come back every day this week! And if you ever want to visit Christ the King, the door is always open!
Monday, June 22, 2009
Struggles, Tests and Faith
What a struggle today’s blog has been to write! I’ve been trying to get something – anything – on paper for three days. Every time I decided on a topic and began to write, my brain would decide to take a vacation and my fingers would freeze. It has been a frustrating struggle, especially considering I have a number of topics waiting patiently in my “Blog” folder about which I can write.
Last week certainly had its share of tests and struggles. What week doesn’t? I believe that we are always being tested in some way. James 1:2-4 says in one of the latest translations of the Bible, The Message: Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. A gift?? He’s joking, right? We are supposed to consider these tests and struggles a gift. One that will increase our faith. Hmmm…
I had my annual mammogram two weeks ago. As soon as I walked out of the door, after having gone through minutes of sheer agony, I promptly put the test out of my mind. Until I received a telephone call last week saying that I needed to go back for additional tests. About every two years, I get the same call. It seems that the right side is much harder to scan and read than the left side. So when I received this call, I was not surprised. But it wasn’t the right side this year. It was the left. And the left side didn’t show what the radiologist thought was fibrous tissue. It showed nodules … cysts. The actual words the doctor’s nurse used were “suspicious nodules. You need to get these additional tests done as soon as possible so it can be confirmed that these nodules are benign or not.”
Fear immediately rose up within me and my vivid imagination had a field day. (Why can’t my imagination be vivid when I’m writing the “Great American Novel”?) Truly, I had myself diagnosed and on the operating table before the telephone call ended. At that moment, I failed the testing of my faith. As soon as I disconnected from that telephone call, I emailed my priest and one of my dearest friends, explained the situation and asked for prayers to be offered up on my behalf. It was evident that they began to pray because I could feel calmness begin to seep into my mind and heart. As I began to calm down, I could see this situation for what it really was – another ploy of the enemy. You see, every time I have the opportunity to minister – whether it is to teach, write, pray, counsel, work in any area of ministry – the enemy attacks and frequently those attacks are against my physical body. It has happened so many times you would think I would recognize the signs, but no. That would make life far too easy! Anyway, once I realized what was happening, I began to pray and to trust God, knowing that He was in control. Throughout the remainder of that day I prayed as I went about my normal routine. Sometimes the prayer would be a simple “I trust You, God.” Other times, I would give praise. And once or twice, when I felt my legs of faith begin to wobble, I would quote scripture, reminding myself that God was the Great Physician.
Are you struggling with an issue today? Is your faith being tested? Remember what James said. The test is a gift to increase your faith. It works. I ought to know. I’m tested all the time.
Oh, yes. The tests? Negative. Thanks be to God!
Last week certainly had its share of tests and struggles. What week doesn’t? I believe that we are always being tested in some way. James 1:2-4 says in one of the latest translations of the Bible, The Message: Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. A gift?? He’s joking, right? We are supposed to consider these tests and struggles a gift. One that will increase our faith. Hmmm…
I had my annual mammogram two weeks ago. As soon as I walked out of the door, after having gone through minutes of sheer agony, I promptly put the test out of my mind. Until I received a telephone call last week saying that I needed to go back for additional tests. About every two years, I get the same call. It seems that the right side is much harder to scan and read than the left side. So when I received this call, I was not surprised. But it wasn’t the right side this year. It was the left. And the left side didn’t show what the radiologist thought was fibrous tissue. It showed nodules … cysts. The actual words the doctor’s nurse used were “suspicious nodules. You need to get these additional tests done as soon as possible so it can be confirmed that these nodules are benign or not.”
Fear immediately rose up within me and my vivid imagination had a field day. (Why can’t my imagination be vivid when I’m writing the “Great American Novel”?) Truly, I had myself diagnosed and on the operating table before the telephone call ended. At that moment, I failed the testing of my faith. As soon as I disconnected from that telephone call, I emailed my priest and one of my dearest friends, explained the situation and asked for prayers to be offered up on my behalf. It was evident that they began to pray because I could feel calmness begin to seep into my mind and heart. As I began to calm down, I could see this situation for what it really was – another ploy of the enemy. You see, every time I have the opportunity to minister – whether it is to teach, write, pray, counsel, work in any area of ministry – the enemy attacks and frequently those attacks are against my physical body. It has happened so many times you would think I would recognize the signs, but no. That would make life far too easy! Anyway, once I realized what was happening, I began to pray and to trust God, knowing that He was in control. Throughout the remainder of that day I prayed as I went about my normal routine. Sometimes the prayer would be a simple “I trust You, God.” Other times, I would give praise. And once or twice, when I felt my legs of faith begin to wobble, I would quote scripture, reminding myself that God was the Great Physician.
Are you struggling with an issue today? Is your faith being tested? Remember what James said. The test is a gift to increase your faith. It works. I ought to know. I’m tested all the time.
Oh, yes. The tests? Negative. Thanks be to God!
Friday, June 19, 2009
Comfortable in My Own Skin
I have just this morning begun reading “The Shack.”* This book is all the rage right now. It has topped out at # 1 on the NY Times Best Seller List for the last several weeks.
In the forward of the book the author is describing the main character, Mack, and at one point he writes that “he’s become one of those people who are totally at home in their own skin.” Hmmm … “totally at home in their own skin.” An “ah-ha” moment for me! We are always reading in some magazine or self-help book that we have to like, even love ourselves, i.e., we must accept who we are and be comfortable in our skin – right now – before we can move ahead with our lives. Jesus said it this way, “love your neighbors as yourself.” In other words, if we don’t love ourselves the way God intended us to do, we cannot love, much less help, our neighbors.
I have been dissatisfied and restless off and on (mostly on) for years. I have tried different diets, different hair styles, read all kinds of Christian self-help books, taken up new hobbies, changed jobs… the list could go on and on. I might be okay for a while but the dissatisfaction and restlessness always returned. This morning, the realization hit me like cold water being thrown in my face that all the dissatisfaction and restlessness I feel stems from the fact I don’t like myself. I don’t love myself. I am not at home in my own skin.
I know that God loves me, that He created me in His own image. He thinks I’m beautiful. I know this in my head and my heart goes along with my head occasionally. But I need for my heart to know that God loves me and sees me as beautiful all the time. I need to become comfortable in my own skin.
I need to realize and accept the fact that if I never lose another ounce, if every day is a bad hair day that I can accept myself exactly as I am every day. More importantly, I need to realize that God doesn’t see what I see when He looks at me. He sees me as He created me, “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Ps. 139:14). He sees me as beautiful (SS. 1:15) and that one look from me “ravishes his heart.” (SS 4:9).
God is no respecter of persons. Ladies, if He sees me like this, then I can assure you, with the Word of God backing me up, that He sees you the very same way.
*Written in 2008
** Edwina Cowgill is available to speak to womens groups on this and other topics of interest to women. Please contact her at edwina.cowgill@yahoo.com.
© 2008 Edwina E. Cowgill
In the forward of the book the author is describing the main character, Mack, and at one point he writes that “he’s become one of those people who are totally at home in their own skin.” Hmmm … “totally at home in their own skin.” An “ah-ha” moment for me! We are always reading in some magazine or self-help book that we have to like, even love ourselves, i.e., we must accept who we are and be comfortable in our skin – right now – before we can move ahead with our lives. Jesus said it this way, “love your neighbors as yourself.” In other words, if we don’t love ourselves the way God intended us to do, we cannot love, much less help, our neighbors.
I have been dissatisfied and restless off and on (mostly on) for years. I have tried different diets, different hair styles, read all kinds of Christian self-help books, taken up new hobbies, changed jobs… the list could go on and on. I might be okay for a while but the dissatisfaction and restlessness always returned. This morning, the realization hit me like cold water being thrown in my face that all the dissatisfaction and restlessness I feel stems from the fact I don’t like myself. I don’t love myself. I am not at home in my own skin.
I know that God loves me, that He created me in His own image. He thinks I’m beautiful. I know this in my head and my heart goes along with my head occasionally. But I need for my heart to know that God loves me and sees me as beautiful all the time. I need to become comfortable in my own skin.
I need to realize and accept the fact that if I never lose another ounce, if every day is a bad hair day that I can accept myself exactly as I am every day. More importantly, I need to realize that God doesn’t see what I see when He looks at me. He sees me as He created me, “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Ps. 139:14). He sees me as beautiful (SS. 1:15) and that one look from me “ravishes his heart.” (SS 4:9).
God is no respecter of persons. Ladies, if He sees me like this, then I can assure you, with the Word of God backing me up, that He sees you the very same way.
*Written in 2008
** Edwina Cowgill is available to speak to womens groups on this and other topics of interest to women. Please contact her at edwina.cowgill@yahoo.com.
© 2008 Edwina E. Cowgill
Thursday, June 18, 2009
First Place
Word from the Lord –October 21:
“Edwina, you can only love Me as much as you love yourself. So my love comes to set you free from yourself, to set you free from how you see yourself, and to set you free from the smallness of your own thinking about yourself. My love comes to set you free from rejection and from shame and from low self-esteem, despair, and abuse.”
“Because when I look at you,” says the Lord, “I see something that I love. I see someone that I love outrageously and I have so much to bestow upon you, so much to give you, so many places to take you in my heart. But you can’t go there unless you allow Me to love you. My love for you will break every barrier, bring every wall crashing down. And know this,” says the Lord, “my love damages fear, my love hates fear, my love will fight fear around you. If you have fear,” says the Lord, “then know that you have a treat in store because My perfect love casts out fear. There is no fear where I am present because My love casts out fear. Beloved, you are My beloved and in My love I want you to feel good about yourself because I love you.”
Today’s blog and the one from yesterday were written in response to an email I had sent a friend some time ago. The email was about how I didn’t like anything about myself – not my looks, body, attitude – there was nothing I liked about myself. When I read the word from the Lord for the first time, I thought, “That’s nice.” But it did not affect me in any way.
The next night at Bible study, we went through the confession of sin. When we got to the part of “I have not loved you with my whole heart,” the Lord spoke directly to me and said, “No, you have not loved me with your whole heart. If you had, you would understand my love for you.” WOW! That hit me like a ton of bricks. Even though I had taught about His extravagant love for us, I still had not accepted and comprehended that love for me.
What does it mean “you have not loved me with your whole heart?” Very simply, it means that we love something or someone else more that we love Jesus. Anything or anyone that we put ahead of Christ in our lives is the thing or person that we love more than we love Him. Ouch! Truth hurts, doesn’t it?
It is possible that we do not realize we have put someone or something ahead of Christ in our lives. These types of situations can be very deceptive. After all, where is the wrong in loving your spouse and/or your children so much? Nothing – as long as you don’t give them first place in your life, above God.
What is wrong with loving your volunteer work at the church so much that you are at the church all the time and you win the “Volunteer of the Year Award?” Nothing - as long as you don’t place your church work above your love for and your walk with Christ.
If what I’ve written in either of these blogs has made you realize that you have placed anything or anyone above the Lord, you need to know that there is a very easy remedy for this. All you have to do is repent and ask God to forgive you. He is waiting to hear from you now.
“Edwina, you can only love Me as much as you love yourself. So my love comes to set you free from yourself, to set you free from how you see yourself, and to set you free from the smallness of your own thinking about yourself. My love comes to set you free from rejection and from shame and from low self-esteem, despair, and abuse.”
“Because when I look at you,” says the Lord, “I see something that I love. I see someone that I love outrageously and I have so much to bestow upon you, so much to give you, so many places to take you in my heart. But you can’t go there unless you allow Me to love you. My love for you will break every barrier, bring every wall crashing down. And know this,” says the Lord, “my love damages fear, my love hates fear, my love will fight fear around you. If you have fear,” says the Lord, “then know that you have a treat in store because My perfect love casts out fear. There is no fear where I am present because My love casts out fear. Beloved, you are My beloved and in My love I want you to feel good about yourself because I love you.”
Today’s blog and the one from yesterday were written in response to an email I had sent a friend some time ago. The email was about how I didn’t like anything about myself – not my looks, body, attitude – there was nothing I liked about myself. When I read the word from the Lord for the first time, I thought, “That’s nice.” But it did not affect me in any way.
The next night at Bible study, we went through the confession of sin. When we got to the part of “I have not loved you with my whole heart,” the Lord spoke directly to me and said, “No, you have not loved me with your whole heart. If you had, you would understand my love for you.” WOW! That hit me like a ton of bricks. Even though I had taught about His extravagant love for us, I still had not accepted and comprehended that love for me.
What does it mean “you have not loved me with your whole heart?” Very simply, it means that we love something or someone else more that we love Jesus. Anything or anyone that we put ahead of Christ in our lives is the thing or person that we love more than we love Him. Ouch! Truth hurts, doesn’t it?
It is possible that we do not realize we have put someone or something ahead of Christ in our lives. These types of situations can be very deceptive. After all, where is the wrong in loving your spouse and/or your children so much? Nothing – as long as you don’t give them first place in your life, above God.
What is wrong with loving your volunteer work at the church so much that you are at the church all the time and you win the “Volunteer of the Year Award?” Nothing - as long as you don’t place your church work above your love for and your walk with Christ.
If what I’ve written in either of these blogs has made you realize that you have placed anything or anyone above the Lord, you need to know that there is a very easy remedy for this. All you have to do is repent and ask God to forgive you. He is waiting to hear from you now.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
The Female Side of the Family
I have recommended a particular book to many women with whom I have counseled. The title of the book is “Captivating” by Staci and John Eldredge. If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it. It is the book that can truly help a woman see herself as God sees her and to understand how much God loves her.
Last year one of the young ladies that read the book at my suggestion came to me after she finished and said, “You know that chapter ‘Mothers, Daughters, Sisters?’ I was praying and felt like God said to me ‘This is Edwina.’ He didn’t elaborate and she didn’t have anything to add except she thought I should re-read the chapter. So I read it again and a third time. As I came upon a statement that made me stop and think, I would journal about it.
Today’s blog is about this chapter. All quotes from the book are in italics and all credit is given to Staci and John Eldredge.
One of the statements that struck a chord with me was “all mothers fail their children to varying degrees.” Ouch. There have been so many times that I’ve said “I’m a failure as a mother” or “I’m a lousy mother” or words to that effect. In fact, I’ve said that so many times to my darling husband that he has gotten really upset with me. I realize, of course, that no mother is perfect. I suspect that even Mary, mother of Jesus, had her moments, although the Catholics would probably disagree with me on that one.
In this statement, “all mothers fail their children to varying degrees” what is the definition of “fail?” To not live up to our expectations of ourselves as mothers? Or to the world’s expectations? Is it to not live up to our mother’s expectations of how we should raise our daughters? Does failure mean to not “be there” when our children need us? Who determines if we are failing? Who makes the rules? Us? Our mothers? Society? God? Failure – is it not one thing to one person and something totally different to another?
The easiest answer to all of these questions is to not ask the questions and just let the statement “all mothers fail their children to varying degrees” stand. Don’t analyze it – just accept it. But that’s not enough for me.
Perhaps the key is the term I’ve not questioned “varying degrees.” For example, suppose a mother has to work on the day her 8 year old daughter is debuting in the school play. Normally, the mother is able to attend all of her daughter’s functions; however, this time she was not able to be away from her job during the time of the play. Will the daughter be disappointed? Probably. Will she be emotionally damaged for life? Probably not. This one incident should not damage the child emotionally for the rest of her life. The mother, on the other hand, will probably feel like a failure but the daughter will not look at it that way.
Suppose another mother never goes to any of her daughter’s school functions, is rarely at home and when she is, she doesn’t pay much attention to her daughter and never tells her that she loves her. Will her daughter be hurt? Yes. Will she be emotionally damaged for life? Yes, without a doubt.
So here is the crux of the matter: we are going to fail our children – no question about it. It doesn’t mean we are failures. It doesn’t mean we don’t love our children. It means we are human. When we fail our children, it means we have made a mistake. It doesn’t mean we aren’t doing the best we know how to do. It means that’s all we know to do.
I don’t think any mother sets out to deliberately fail her children. But there will be times when we do fail them. That’s when we go to them and tell them “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fail you.” Apologizing will accomplish three things: 1) it will diffuse their anger; 2) it will help to heal any wounds our failure caused; and 3) it will bridge the gap between us and our children.
Are we failures as mothers? No. Will we fail our children at some point in their life? Yes. God has called each of us to be ministers of reconciliation. And that ministry should start at home. With our children.
Last year one of the young ladies that read the book at my suggestion came to me after she finished and said, “You know that chapter ‘Mothers, Daughters, Sisters?’ I was praying and felt like God said to me ‘This is Edwina.’ He didn’t elaborate and she didn’t have anything to add except she thought I should re-read the chapter. So I read it again and a third time. As I came upon a statement that made me stop and think, I would journal about it.
Today’s blog is about this chapter. All quotes from the book are in italics and all credit is given to Staci and John Eldredge.
One of the statements that struck a chord with me was “all mothers fail their children to varying degrees.” Ouch. There have been so many times that I’ve said “I’m a failure as a mother” or “I’m a lousy mother” or words to that effect. In fact, I’ve said that so many times to my darling husband that he has gotten really upset with me. I realize, of course, that no mother is perfect. I suspect that even Mary, mother of Jesus, had her moments, although the Catholics would probably disagree with me on that one.
In this statement, “all mothers fail their children to varying degrees” what is the definition of “fail?” To not live up to our expectations of ourselves as mothers? Or to the world’s expectations? Is it to not live up to our mother’s expectations of how we should raise our daughters? Does failure mean to not “be there” when our children need us? Who determines if we are failing? Who makes the rules? Us? Our mothers? Society? God? Failure – is it not one thing to one person and something totally different to another?
The easiest answer to all of these questions is to not ask the questions and just let the statement “all mothers fail their children to varying degrees” stand. Don’t analyze it – just accept it. But that’s not enough for me.
Perhaps the key is the term I’ve not questioned “varying degrees.” For example, suppose a mother has to work on the day her 8 year old daughter is debuting in the school play. Normally, the mother is able to attend all of her daughter’s functions; however, this time she was not able to be away from her job during the time of the play. Will the daughter be disappointed? Probably. Will she be emotionally damaged for life? Probably not. This one incident should not damage the child emotionally for the rest of her life. The mother, on the other hand, will probably feel like a failure but the daughter will not look at it that way.
Suppose another mother never goes to any of her daughter’s school functions, is rarely at home and when she is, she doesn’t pay much attention to her daughter and never tells her that she loves her. Will her daughter be hurt? Yes. Will she be emotionally damaged for life? Yes, without a doubt.
So here is the crux of the matter: we are going to fail our children – no question about it. It doesn’t mean we are failures. It doesn’t mean we don’t love our children. It means we are human. When we fail our children, it means we have made a mistake. It doesn’t mean we aren’t doing the best we know how to do. It means that’s all we know to do.
I don’t think any mother sets out to deliberately fail her children. But there will be times when we do fail them. That’s when we go to them and tell them “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fail you.” Apologizing will accomplish three things: 1) it will diffuse their anger; 2) it will help to heal any wounds our failure caused; and 3) it will bridge the gap between us and our children.
Are we failures as mothers? No. Will we fail our children at some point in their life? Yes. God has called each of us to be ministers of reconciliation. And that ministry should start at home. With our children.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
No Excuse
I have no excuse. Sure, things have happened in my life and in the life of my family over the last 19 months that have not been what we wanted or asked for. But that is just life. None of us can prevent life from happening. Sometimes, it is about the choices we make and sometimes, it’s not – life just happens. But that is not an excuse. Really, on those rare occasions when I get in-my-face honest with myself, I admit there is no excuse to go on eating, binging (fill in the blank with your vice). Zip. Zilch. Nada. No excuse. Just because life kicks us in the rear doesn’t mean we can run to the fridge. There is nothing in the fridge or pantry that will tell us what to do about the situation we find ourselves facing. There is nothing in the fridge or pantry that will bring us comfort. What we find in the fridge or pantry will only add to the stress or unhappiness or our problems we are already experiencing.
So why is running to the fridge the first thing I do? It’s called a pity party. “Oh, woe is me. Look at my life. Look at what I’m facing.”
“Well, wake up girlfriend, because there are hundreds, millions who are facing a lot worse things than I am,” I say, glaring in the mirror. “Quit the pity party. Ain’t nobody coming to join you.’
Stressed? No excuse.
Tired? No excuse.
Worried? No excuse.
Besides, every time I turn to food for comfort, I’m leaving God out of the picture. And that is my biggest mistake.
So why is running to the fridge the first thing I do? It’s called a pity party. “Oh, woe is me. Look at my life. Look at what I’m facing.”
“Well, wake up girlfriend, because there are hundreds, millions who are facing a lot worse things than I am,” I say, glaring in the mirror. “Quit the pity party. Ain’t nobody coming to join you.’
Stressed? No excuse.
Tired? No excuse.
Worried? No excuse.
Besides, every time I turn to food for comfort, I’m leaving God out of the picture. And that is my biggest mistake.
Monday, June 15, 2009
A Cacophony of Sound
I am sitting on my back porch in my favorite rocker with my first cup of java of the morning. The sun is just beginning to rise over the Eastern horizon, but all of the birds have already awakened. Such a cacophony of sound! Each twitter, each chirp, each song making up a symphony of sound all at the same time. Although I can't associate the individual sounds with the bird making the sound, I can hear all of the birds twittering, chirping and singing.
I wonder if this is how we sound to God. Some voices singing, some praying, some mournful, even crying. Some laughing, some yelling. All of us at one time. The difference is that God recognizes each voice. He hears the praise and adoration as one woman cleans her home. He hears the pleas of a man who desperately needs a job so that he can support his family. He hears the moans of a woman as she labors to bring new life into this world. He hears the cries of a family whose elderly saint of a mother has just left them to be with Him. He hears the prayers of a 5 year old and the prayers of a 95 year old. If you whisper, if you yell, He hears you. He hears you when you pray. Even when you simply speak His name, Jesus, Abba Father. He is enraptured at the sound of your voice. So talk with Him. Pray to Him. Sing to Him. He will hear your voice. And not only that, He will be enraptured at the sound of your voice. (Song of Solomon 2:14b)
I wonder if this is how we sound to God. Some voices singing, some praying, some mournful, even crying. Some laughing, some yelling. All of us at one time. The difference is that God recognizes each voice. He hears the praise and adoration as one woman cleans her home. He hears the pleas of a man who desperately needs a job so that he can support his family. He hears the moans of a woman as she labors to bring new life into this world. He hears the cries of a family whose elderly saint of a mother has just left them to be with Him. He hears the prayers of a 5 year old and the prayers of a 95 year old. If you whisper, if you yell, He hears you. He hears you when you pray. Even when you simply speak His name, Jesus, Abba Father. He is enraptured at the sound of your voice. So talk with Him. Pray to Him. Sing to Him. He will hear your voice. And not only that, He will be enraptured at the sound of your voice. (Song of Solomon 2:14b)
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Sleep -- or Rather, the Lack Thereof
I was reviewing all of the writings I have saved on my computer and found the below journal entry that I wrote over a year ago. I don't usually post a blog on weekends, but realizing that I was reading this entry at 3AM on a Sunday morning, I thought it most appropriate to post.
It is 3AM on Sunday morning and I am, once again, wide awake. Why can’t I sleep? What is going on in my life, my head, and my mind that prevents REM?
Some thoughts dance through my mind like butterflies – barely lighting before moving on. Other thoughts move through my mind like turtles – slow, ponderous, heavy thoughts that weigh me down like quicksand.
Legs move and twitch – restless. Tossing and turning – no relaxing, comfortable spot to be found on a mattress that is “guaranteed” to make you sleep. HA! Mind flies – free-floating thoughts. Husband is in constant pain. Adult children – facing challenging situations. Grandson – problems at school. Parents – growing more feeble and frail with every passing day.
How do I stop these thoughts in the early morning hours? Experts have suggested, “Do this” or “don’t do that” but they don’t have my life. They don’t live inside my mind. Stress, anxiety, worry, concerns, fears. Where is the peace? Where is the sleep?
The sound of rain outside my window should bring peace and relaxation, lulling me to sleep. Rather it seems to add to the butterfly-moving thoughts flitting through my mind.
Where is the peace? Where is the sleep? Suppose I name off these thoughts – these worries and anxieties – to God in prayer. Will that bring me sleep and peace? Why not try? Can’t hurt, can it?
“God, here are my worries and concerns:
Husband – in constant pain
Adult children – facing challenging situations
Grandson – problems at school
Parents – more feeble and frail every day……”
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Thoughts in the mind are like
butterflies, flitting
to and fro.
Alighting from flower to flower
drinking sweet nectar
or
leaving nothing.
mind empty.
It is 3AM on Sunday morning and I am, once again, wide awake. Why can’t I sleep? What is going on in my life, my head, and my mind that prevents REM?
Some thoughts dance through my mind like butterflies – barely lighting before moving on. Other thoughts move through my mind like turtles – slow, ponderous, heavy thoughts that weigh me down like quicksand.
Legs move and twitch – restless. Tossing and turning – no relaxing, comfortable spot to be found on a mattress that is “guaranteed” to make you sleep. HA! Mind flies – free-floating thoughts. Husband is in constant pain. Adult children – facing challenging situations. Grandson – problems at school. Parents – growing more feeble and frail with every passing day.
How do I stop these thoughts in the early morning hours? Experts have suggested, “Do this” or “don’t do that” but they don’t have my life. They don’t live inside my mind. Stress, anxiety, worry, concerns, fears. Where is the peace? Where is the sleep?
The sound of rain outside my window should bring peace and relaxation, lulling me to sleep. Rather it seems to add to the butterfly-moving thoughts flitting through my mind.
Where is the peace? Where is the sleep? Suppose I name off these thoughts – these worries and anxieties – to God in prayer. Will that bring me sleep and peace? Why not try? Can’t hurt, can it?
“God, here are my worries and concerns:
Husband – in constant pain
Adult children – facing challenging situations
Grandson – problems at school
Parents – more feeble and frail every day……”
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Thoughts in the mind are like
butterflies, flitting
to and fro.
Alighting from flower to flower
drinking sweet nectar
or
leaving nothing.
mind empty.
Friday, June 12, 2009
LETTING GO
It is one of the hardest things mothers, yes, parents, have to do – let go of their children. After all, we are the ones who carried them for nine months, rocked them to sleep, who saw them get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten, excited and nervous at the same time. We are the ones who went to every concert, every game, and every activity. We taught them manners and we demonstrated our values, beliefs and morals, hoping and praying they would accept them as their own. Mothers have been known to empty the piggy bank, look under the cushions of the sofas and even conduct a scavenger hunt through the house looking for change to donate to the “prom dress fund.” We cried with our daughter over the breakup of her first love. We held our breath as our son raced down the football field as a bunch of guys from the opposing team tried with all their might to stop him.
And then comes….The Day. We watched as our sons and daughters walked down the aisle to the tune of “Pomp and Circumstance” to receive a piece of paper that signifies the end of one era and the beginning of another. And before we know it, summer has passed, their bags and car are crammed to the brim with almost all of their worldly possessions and they leave for college, excited and nervous at the same time. (It seems as if it was only last month when they left for kindergarten.) And we let them go, not just physically, but also emotionally. Or at least we should. Frankly, we should have been letting them go gradually throughout the years. But letting go, especially during their teen years is so hard: “Am I letting them go too soon?” or “Am I doing the right thing?” we think to ourselves. But we must let our children go and there is a right way and a right time to do it.
I learned this lesson the hard way. My daughter is 30 and my son is 25. I raised them as a single mom from the time they were 12 and 7 because their dad left. I share this, not as an appeal for pity, but so you will have some insight into the decisions I made when raising them.
It is an entirely different scenario to raise children as a single parent. You realize that you alone are responsible for the lives of your children. It is a frightening prospect especially in this day and age. As a single mother, I made some good decisions but I made a lot of mistakes too. It is my hope that you will learn from my mistakes as you read further.
In some areas I was lenient with my children (I’m sure they would disagree!) and in some areas I was very strict. I know I wasn’t always consistent in my discipline. But the biggest mistake I made was not letting go emotionally of my children.
I really believed I had let go until a few weeks ago when my husband (their stepdad) pointed out to me that I was interfering – meddling – in their lives. I was shocked beyond speech! Me? Meddling?? Never! Ah, but alas, indeed I was. What I had said or asked my kids over the last few years had been out of my love and concern for them, or so I thought. It was not in my mind each morning when I woke up to think, “How can I meddle in my children’s lives today?” But the advice with which I had freely showered them had never been requested by them. After several days of thinking upon what my husband had said, I realized he was right. A light bulb moment!! I prayed about this, asking God to forgive me and to give me an opportunity to talk to both of my children so that I could apologize to them.
A couple of weeks later my son was home from New Orleans where he is stationed. He and my daughter were in the kitchen and no one else was around. God spoke and said, “Now is the time.” So I went and sat down with them and apologized. I explained that I had not realized I had been interfering in their lives, but I knew it now and would try my best never to interfere again. They were so gracious and both of them – grinning from ear to ear – told me they accepted my apology even though there was no need to apologize. “After all,” they said, “you were just being a mom.” Hugs and kisses all around!
Have I been completely successful in staying out of my adult children’s lives? No. But I’ve made great strides in not interfering. There have been times when I’ve asked one or the other about a particular situation, but hopefully, they know that it is because I am concerned and I do love them. What they may not know is that there have been many times when I’ve wanted to ask them about a particular situation, but I’ve kept that question to myself. And I pray daily that God will lead, guide and protect them.
Enjoy your children while they are with you. But remember to let them go when it’s time.
And then comes….The Day. We watched as our sons and daughters walked down the aisle to the tune of “Pomp and Circumstance” to receive a piece of paper that signifies the end of one era and the beginning of another. And before we know it, summer has passed, their bags and car are crammed to the brim with almost all of their worldly possessions and they leave for college, excited and nervous at the same time. (It seems as if it was only last month when they left for kindergarten.) And we let them go, not just physically, but also emotionally. Or at least we should. Frankly, we should have been letting them go gradually throughout the years. But letting go, especially during their teen years is so hard: “Am I letting them go too soon?” or “Am I doing the right thing?” we think to ourselves. But we must let our children go and there is a right way and a right time to do it.
I learned this lesson the hard way. My daughter is 30 and my son is 25. I raised them as a single mom from the time they were 12 and 7 because their dad left. I share this, not as an appeal for pity, but so you will have some insight into the decisions I made when raising them.
It is an entirely different scenario to raise children as a single parent. You realize that you alone are responsible for the lives of your children. It is a frightening prospect especially in this day and age. As a single mother, I made some good decisions but I made a lot of mistakes too. It is my hope that you will learn from my mistakes as you read further.
In some areas I was lenient with my children (I’m sure they would disagree!) and in some areas I was very strict. I know I wasn’t always consistent in my discipline. But the biggest mistake I made was not letting go emotionally of my children.
I really believed I had let go until a few weeks ago when my husband (their stepdad) pointed out to me that I was interfering – meddling – in their lives. I was shocked beyond speech! Me? Meddling?? Never! Ah, but alas, indeed I was. What I had said or asked my kids over the last few years had been out of my love and concern for them, or so I thought. It was not in my mind each morning when I woke up to think, “How can I meddle in my children’s lives today?” But the advice with which I had freely showered them had never been requested by them. After several days of thinking upon what my husband had said, I realized he was right. A light bulb moment!! I prayed about this, asking God to forgive me and to give me an opportunity to talk to both of my children so that I could apologize to them.
A couple of weeks later my son was home from New Orleans where he is stationed. He and my daughter were in the kitchen and no one else was around. God spoke and said, “Now is the time.” So I went and sat down with them and apologized. I explained that I had not realized I had been interfering in their lives, but I knew it now and would try my best never to interfere again. They were so gracious and both of them – grinning from ear to ear – told me they accepted my apology even though there was no need to apologize. “After all,” they said, “you were just being a mom.” Hugs and kisses all around!
Have I been completely successful in staying out of my adult children’s lives? No. But I’ve made great strides in not interfering. There have been times when I’ve asked one or the other about a particular situation, but hopefully, they know that it is because I am concerned and I do love them. What they may not know is that there have been many times when I’ve wanted to ask them about a particular situation, but I’ve kept that question to myself. And I pray daily that God will lead, guide and protect them.
Enjoy your children while they are with you. But remember to let them go when it’s time.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Second Chances
My husband and I recently had our basement finished. After living in our house for 2 years, we decided to have it finished and move my parents in so they would not be living “alone” any longer. In the midst of our working on the basement, my parents realized that they would still be alone, even if they moved in. My husband, Dave, travels for business and is usually gone five days a week, 50 weeks out of the year. I work a full time job and am quite frequently away several evenings a week. We stopped work on the basement until we could decide what to do. Ultimately, we decided to give the basement a second chance – third really if you consider its original use as storage space. This time, we hired a company to come and finish the work for us.
Once the renovation to the basement was finished, there were several pieces of heavy and cumbersome furniture we wanted moved to the basement and we knew we could not do that ourselves. So we hired movers from a company called A Better Way Moving. This company is part of a program called “A Better Way” that was started a number of years ago by a man in the community who wanted to help young teens and men break the addiction of drugs and alcohol. He wanted to give them a second chance. The program requires the men to live and work on a farm while recovering from their addiction. The young men who have been in the program for a while and have shown they can be trusted are allowed to work for the moving company. We were privileged to have three of these men in our home. These young men were so polite – always saying “yes sir” and “no sir” – no bad attitudes – no foul language and no “slacking off.” They were there to do a job and they got in and got it done. I suspect that “A Better Way” may not have even been their second chance – it could easily have been their last chance.
That’s the way God is and it’s also the way we treat Him. God is a God of second chances – even third, fourth, fifth and on and on – chances. He is always waiting for us to come back to Him. And sometimes, we wait until He is our last chance to cry out to Him. But even then, He is there, waiting to give us a second chance.
© 2008 Edwina E. Cowgill
Once the renovation to the basement was finished, there were several pieces of heavy and cumbersome furniture we wanted moved to the basement and we knew we could not do that ourselves. So we hired movers from a company called A Better Way Moving. This company is part of a program called “A Better Way” that was started a number of years ago by a man in the community who wanted to help young teens and men break the addiction of drugs and alcohol. He wanted to give them a second chance. The program requires the men to live and work on a farm while recovering from their addiction. The young men who have been in the program for a while and have shown they can be trusted are allowed to work for the moving company. We were privileged to have three of these men in our home. These young men were so polite – always saying “yes sir” and “no sir” – no bad attitudes – no foul language and no “slacking off.” They were there to do a job and they got in and got it done. I suspect that “A Better Way” may not have even been their second chance – it could easily have been their last chance.
That’s the way God is and it’s also the way we treat Him. God is a God of second chances – even third, fourth, fifth and on and on – chances. He is always waiting for us to come back to Him. And sometimes, we wait until He is our last chance to cry out to Him. But even then, He is there, waiting to give us a second chance.
© 2008 Edwina E. Cowgill
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Stop, Look and Listen
It is the time just before dawn. I am looking through my “viewfinder,” awaiting the sunrise. It is still dark and the night is silent. A slight breeze stirs the silence and the leaves rustle, as if in anticipation for the sun to rise. Even the birds are quiet, still sleeping. At the edge of the far eastern horizon, a pinkish, yellow light barely appears.
I sit on my deck, patiently watching and waiting. Gradually, the eastern skyline begins to glow – a creamy, soft yellow now. There is enough light to see the outline of the barely-budding trees in my back yard. Peace still reigns – I am the only person awake in my world.
In a moment of time, the northern edge of the sun peeks over the horizon. Brilliant golden yellow begins to light the sky. Light, fluffy clouds, like cotton candy, float across the blue expanse. I hear mother birds beginning to chirp – waking their babies for the new day. And before I realize the passage of time, the sun, in all its glory, is above the horizon, lighting my world. I am inspired by the new day, another opportunity to live and love and laugh.
Lights in neighborhood homes begin to twinkle through windows as families wake for work and school. They have missed the extraordinary that I have seen this morning. You see, all of us are so busy in our own ordinary world that we never take time to think about the extraordinary that is all around us. We take it for granted that, weather permitting, the sun will rise each day. We take for granted the joyous sound of mother birds singing to their babies. We take for granted the lace of bare branches outlined against a barely illuminated sky. There is extraordinary all around us – we just need to stop, look and listen.
I sit on my deck, patiently watching and waiting. Gradually, the eastern skyline begins to glow – a creamy, soft yellow now. There is enough light to see the outline of the barely-budding trees in my back yard. Peace still reigns – I am the only person awake in my world.
In a moment of time, the northern edge of the sun peeks over the horizon. Brilliant golden yellow begins to light the sky. Light, fluffy clouds, like cotton candy, float across the blue expanse. I hear mother birds beginning to chirp – waking their babies for the new day. And before I realize the passage of time, the sun, in all its glory, is above the horizon, lighting my world. I am inspired by the new day, another opportunity to live and love and laugh.
Lights in neighborhood homes begin to twinkle through windows as families wake for work and school. They have missed the extraordinary that I have seen this morning. You see, all of us are so busy in our own ordinary world that we never take time to think about the extraordinary that is all around us. We take it for granted that, weather permitting, the sun will rise each day. We take for granted the joyous sound of mother birds singing to their babies. We take for granted the lace of bare branches outlined against a barely illuminated sky. There is extraordinary all around us – we just need to stop, look and listen.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Forcing a Pro-Choice Crisis: What About Third Trimester Abortions?
Forcing a Pro-Choice Crisis: What About Third Trimester Abortions?
Fr. Frank Pavone National Director, Priests for Life
What do LeRoy Carhart, Warren Hern, and George Tiller have in common? They are among an unknown number who perform abortions in the third trimester of pregnancy (the third trimester being the seventh, eighth, and ninth month!)
For two decades I have been proclaiming from the pulpits of America that abortions happen in the third trimester. Many Americans find it hard to believe. Now, in the aftermath of the death of George Tiller, this fact is getting a bit more attention.
The Associated Press reported on June 2 in an article by Eric Olson that physician LeRoy Carhart of Nebraska wants to continue performing abortions at this late stage, but he, as well as Warren Hern, also want to make sure enough physicians are trained in how to do so.
How many are we talking about? The AP story reported, "Carhart said 75 to 100 of the "several thousand" abortions he performs annually are in the third trimester."
Stanley K. Henshaw, a senior fellow at the Guttmacher Institute, the research division of Planned Parenthood, and the best source of these statistics, is quoted in a June 5 Washington Post article as saying, "The information just isn't available...This is an area that we just don't know much about."
The Guttmacher Institute does report in its official statistics, however, that some 13,310 abortions each year are at 21 weeks or more of pregnancy (that is, 1.1% of the 1.21 million abortions per year). Of the 40 states that reported in 2005 to the Centers for Disease Control, 32 states reported abortions of babies 21 weeks or older.
This means that every day, 37 babies the size of a large banana are dismembered and decapitated - and these include healthy babies of healthy mothers...and it's happening legally.
These are babies that the mother can already feel moving. According to MedlinePlus, a service of the U.S. National Library of Medicine and the National Institutes of Health, these babies are storing fat on their bodies, their heartbeat can be heard with a stethoscope, they can hear, they have eyebrows, eyelashes, fingernails and toenails. Incidentally, MedlinePlus calls them "babies." (See www.nlm.nih.gov/MEDLINEPLUS/ency/article/002398.htm ).
Many people wonder how they can get some traction in the seemingly intractable abortion debate. How can they get people to listen, or make pro-choice people believe that pro-life people have good reason to be against abortion?
My suggestion: start by discussing the facts I just mentioned.
It's morally legitimate to focus on late-term abortion; that doesn't deny that all abortion is wrong; it's simply a way to get the ball rolling, a pedagogical method of going from the most obvious to the less obvious, of starting with what people know and leading to what they don't know.
When people are astonished by these facts, as they will be, they are forced to re-evaluate just how much priority "privacy" and "choice" have over life. If they are "pro-choice," they are forced to figure out when in pregnancy the line is drawn - and why.
And now you're talking.
The text and audio of this column can be found online at www.priestsforlife.org/columns/columns2009/09-06-15-pro-choice-crisis.htm
Fr. Frank's columns are podcast. Click here for more information.
Comments on this Column?Priests for LifePO Box 141172Staten Island, NY 10314
REPRINTED WITH PERMISSION FROM FR. FRANK PAVONE
Fr. Frank Pavone National Director, Priests for Life
What do LeRoy Carhart, Warren Hern, and George Tiller have in common? They are among an unknown number who perform abortions in the third trimester of pregnancy (the third trimester being the seventh, eighth, and ninth month!)
For two decades I have been proclaiming from the pulpits of America that abortions happen in the third trimester. Many Americans find it hard to believe. Now, in the aftermath of the death of George Tiller, this fact is getting a bit more attention.
The Associated Press reported on June 2 in an article by Eric Olson that physician LeRoy Carhart of Nebraska wants to continue performing abortions at this late stage, but he, as well as Warren Hern, also want to make sure enough physicians are trained in how to do so.
How many are we talking about? The AP story reported, "Carhart said 75 to 100 of the "several thousand" abortions he performs annually are in the third trimester."
Stanley K. Henshaw, a senior fellow at the Guttmacher Institute, the research division of Planned Parenthood, and the best source of these statistics, is quoted in a June 5 Washington Post article as saying, "The information just isn't available...This is an area that we just don't know much about."
The Guttmacher Institute does report in its official statistics, however, that some 13,310 abortions each year are at 21 weeks or more of pregnancy (that is, 1.1% of the 1.21 million abortions per year). Of the 40 states that reported in 2005 to the Centers for Disease Control, 32 states reported abortions of babies 21 weeks or older.
This means that every day, 37 babies the size of a large banana are dismembered and decapitated - and these include healthy babies of healthy mothers...and it's happening legally.
These are babies that the mother can already feel moving. According to MedlinePlus, a service of the U.S. National Library of Medicine and the National Institutes of Health, these babies are storing fat on their bodies, their heartbeat can be heard with a stethoscope, they can hear, they have eyebrows, eyelashes, fingernails and toenails. Incidentally, MedlinePlus calls them "babies." (See www.nlm.nih.gov/MEDLINEPLUS/ency/article/002398.htm ).
Many people wonder how they can get some traction in the seemingly intractable abortion debate. How can they get people to listen, or make pro-choice people believe that pro-life people have good reason to be against abortion?
My suggestion: start by discussing the facts I just mentioned.
It's morally legitimate to focus on late-term abortion; that doesn't deny that all abortion is wrong; it's simply a way to get the ball rolling, a pedagogical method of going from the most obvious to the less obvious, of starting with what people know and leading to what they don't know.
When people are astonished by these facts, as they will be, they are forced to re-evaluate just how much priority "privacy" and "choice" have over life. If they are "pro-choice," they are forced to figure out when in pregnancy the line is drawn - and why.
And now you're talking.
The text and audio of this column can be found online at www.priestsforlife.org/columns/columns2009/09-06-15-pro-choice-crisis.htm
Fr. Frank's columns are podcast. Click here for more information.
Comments on this Column?Priests for LifePO Box 141172Staten Island, NY 10314
REPRINTED WITH PERMISSION FROM FR. FRANK PAVONE
Monday, June 8, 2009
A Celebration of Life
Over the years, since I was a teenager, I have played the organ or piano at many funerals. More than I care to count. I’ve played at funerals of people I hardly knew and I’ve played at funerals of people who I had known for years because I had attended church with the person or the deceased and his/her family was close friends of my family. But I’ve never had to speak at a funeral. Until last Saturday.
It wasn’t really a funeral. It was called a Celebration of Life. I like that title much better. There is something encouraging and uplifting about celebrating someone’s life. In a time of grief and sorrow, this title is a small bright spot on a horizon of darkness.
The Celebration of Life was for my cousin, who was also one of the dearest friends I ever had, James McMichael. James passed from this life into the next on Sunday, May 5, 2009. It had been James’ earnest desire to be cremated and to not have a funeral service or memorial service. The family honored his wishes. However, his three sisters and all of the family needed closure. So a Celebration of Life was planned. But, they wondered, who would speak? My name came up and the invitation to speak was issued and I accepted.
Saturday, June 6, came very quickly. I had prayed over what I wrote, prayed over the service and prayed that I would not break down and cry. I had asked God for grace, which He supplied in abundance. It was a beautiful Celebration. Many of our relatives were there. (A few live out of town and could not make it.) Some of his friends attended. There were quite a few of his customers there (James was an excellent hair stylist.) The family had “guesstimated” that approximately 40 people would attend. The actual number was at least twice that many, if not more. It was a tribute to the type of friend and family member James was.
In preparing what I wanted to say, I had the opportunity to speak with James’ three sisters, Jeanette, Jeanine and Ann, and some of his coworkers, who shared some wonderful memories that I included in my talk. I managed to not cry as I spoke until I got to the part of the talk about James and his mother – my Aunt Grace. I got very teary-eyed, but finished without becoming a complete puddle of tears on the floor. I now have greater respect for pastors who must give the eulogy at many funerals during their years in ministry. It is, by far, one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But James made it easy because he was such a good man.
James was a man of many talents. He was a superb cook and could prepare and cook anything from the simplest Southern dishes to the most exquisite cuisine your heart (and stomach) could ever desire. As I already mentioned, he was an excellent hair stylist with more customers than he could handle at times. James was a caring and compassionate person who loved his family and friends. He was loyal and dependable. If you needed anything, James would do all in his power to provide your need. James and I shared many good times growing up, times that I will always remember with great fondness.
Here’s to you, James! You are greatly missed!
(c) 2009 Edwina E. Cowgill
It wasn’t really a funeral. It was called a Celebration of Life. I like that title much better. There is something encouraging and uplifting about celebrating someone’s life. In a time of grief and sorrow, this title is a small bright spot on a horizon of darkness.
The Celebration of Life was for my cousin, who was also one of the dearest friends I ever had, James McMichael. James passed from this life into the next on Sunday, May 5, 2009. It had been James’ earnest desire to be cremated and to not have a funeral service or memorial service. The family honored his wishes. However, his three sisters and all of the family needed closure. So a Celebration of Life was planned. But, they wondered, who would speak? My name came up and the invitation to speak was issued and I accepted.
Saturday, June 6, came very quickly. I had prayed over what I wrote, prayed over the service and prayed that I would not break down and cry. I had asked God for grace, which He supplied in abundance. It was a beautiful Celebration. Many of our relatives were there. (A few live out of town and could not make it.) Some of his friends attended. There were quite a few of his customers there (James was an excellent hair stylist.) The family had “guesstimated” that approximately 40 people would attend. The actual number was at least twice that many, if not more. It was a tribute to the type of friend and family member James was.
In preparing what I wanted to say, I had the opportunity to speak with James’ three sisters, Jeanette, Jeanine and Ann, and some of his coworkers, who shared some wonderful memories that I included in my talk. I managed to not cry as I spoke until I got to the part of the talk about James and his mother – my Aunt Grace. I got very teary-eyed, but finished without becoming a complete puddle of tears on the floor. I now have greater respect for pastors who must give the eulogy at many funerals during their years in ministry. It is, by far, one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But James made it easy because he was such a good man.
James was a man of many talents. He was a superb cook and could prepare and cook anything from the simplest Southern dishes to the most exquisite cuisine your heart (and stomach) could ever desire. As I already mentioned, he was an excellent hair stylist with more customers than he could handle at times. James was a caring and compassionate person who loved his family and friends. He was loyal and dependable. If you needed anything, James would do all in his power to provide your need. James and I shared many good times growing up, times that I will always remember with great fondness.
Here’s to you, James! You are greatly missed!
(c) 2009 Edwina E. Cowgill
Friday, June 5, 2009
God Speaks
*This was written in 2008, shortly after tornadoes hit Atlanta.
It is a very dark and cloudy day here. Weather forecasters are predicting storms again today, perhaps violent weather. On Friday of last week, a tornado hit downtown Atlanta, wreaking millions of dollars of damage to homes and office buildings. Windows splintered into thousands of tiny, sparkling shards before raining down on the concrete and asphalt below. Homes were rent in two, some collapsed completely as though they were made of toothpicks held together with nothing more than a rubber band.
On the opposite side of the weather spectrum, we had a beautiful “snow day” one Saturday in January. Snow began to fall in the early hours of daylight and gently drifted towards the ground all day long. Everything was covered in pristine white snow. It was gorgeous – watching the individual, lacy flakes fall to the ground and equally as stunning to watch millions of flakes race each other to the earth.
Late in the afternoon, I bundled up in my coat and gloves and went outside to take pictures. Our garden gnomes’ red, perky hats were now white, covered with thousands of tiny flakes, making the gnomes look like miniature Santas. The ceramic frogs, who greet our guests, normally don’t wear hats. But on this day, their hats were also white and their grins as broad as ever as they enjoyed being a feature photo. Branches full of snow-capped berries leaned heavily towards the ground. Tall, brown, leafless trees were dressed in white coats, limbs stretched to their limit with the weight of the snow.
A snowfall brings with it a quietness and peace that cannot be found in any other weather system. There is a beauty and serenity that falls upon the viewer. Even when children are outside throwing snowballs and building snowmen, one can look past their activities and close out their laughter and revel in the beauty of God’s handiworks. One can take in the quietness and hear God’s whisper. He displays His creativity through each snowflake as no two snowflakes are alike.
God displays His awesome power through every flash of lightening, every crack of thunder I may hear in the storms that approach even now. He speaks in the boom and crackle of the storm and He speaks in the quiet that follows the storm. In fact, God speaks to us through every weather system and season He created.
We can look out our window every single moment of every day and we see God’s creation and God speaks to us. He speaks of beauty through the vibrant flowers that bloom each spring. Beauty and warmth come to us through the summer sun. The multi-colored leaves in the fall remind us of God’s artistic flair. Winter brings with it the time of rest for much of God’s creation so that when spring arrives, new life bursts forth in creation.
Weather, nature – all are from God and He speaks to us through all of His creation!
It is a very dark and cloudy day here. Weather forecasters are predicting storms again today, perhaps violent weather. On Friday of last week, a tornado hit downtown Atlanta, wreaking millions of dollars of damage to homes and office buildings. Windows splintered into thousands of tiny, sparkling shards before raining down on the concrete and asphalt below. Homes were rent in two, some collapsed completely as though they were made of toothpicks held together with nothing more than a rubber band.
On the opposite side of the weather spectrum, we had a beautiful “snow day” one Saturday in January. Snow began to fall in the early hours of daylight and gently drifted towards the ground all day long. Everything was covered in pristine white snow. It was gorgeous – watching the individual, lacy flakes fall to the ground and equally as stunning to watch millions of flakes race each other to the earth.
Late in the afternoon, I bundled up in my coat and gloves and went outside to take pictures. Our garden gnomes’ red, perky hats were now white, covered with thousands of tiny flakes, making the gnomes look like miniature Santas. The ceramic frogs, who greet our guests, normally don’t wear hats. But on this day, their hats were also white and their grins as broad as ever as they enjoyed being a feature photo. Branches full of snow-capped berries leaned heavily towards the ground. Tall, brown, leafless trees were dressed in white coats, limbs stretched to their limit with the weight of the snow.
A snowfall brings with it a quietness and peace that cannot be found in any other weather system. There is a beauty and serenity that falls upon the viewer. Even when children are outside throwing snowballs and building snowmen, one can look past their activities and close out their laughter and revel in the beauty of God’s handiworks. One can take in the quietness and hear God’s whisper. He displays His creativity through each snowflake as no two snowflakes are alike.
God displays His awesome power through every flash of lightening, every crack of thunder I may hear in the storms that approach even now. He speaks in the boom and crackle of the storm and He speaks in the quiet that follows the storm. In fact, God speaks to us through every weather system and season He created.
We can look out our window every single moment of every day and we see God’s creation and God speaks to us. He speaks of beauty through the vibrant flowers that bloom each spring. Beauty and warmth come to us through the summer sun. The multi-colored leaves in the fall remind us of God’s artistic flair. Winter brings with it the time of rest for much of God’s creation so that when spring arrives, new life bursts forth in creation.
Weather, nature – all are from God and He speaks to us through all of His creation!
(c) 2008 Edwina E. Cowgill
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Leaving Your Church the Right Way
**Author's Note: This blog is not directed at any one person, any family, group of people or entire church. I wrote this in 2008 after talking to a minister and his wife. Remember: my opinions don't have to agree with yours and vice versa.
We live in a transitional society. People are constantly moving from one city to another, from one coast to the other and even from one country to another. Some families are so accustomed to moving that they never completely unpack – leaving things rarely used (but just can’t be parted from) in boxes in the garage or attic. I have read that the average family moves 11 times over their lifespan, approximately once every 7 years. This also means that if they attend church, they belong to at least 11 churches during their life. But moving out of the city or state is an acceptable reason to find a new church. After all, one cannot drive across the state or fly across the country and back every Sunday to attend church. It is wisdom to find a church that preaches and practices one’s beliefs in one’s new location.
But what about people who leave the church for wrong reasons and in the wrong manner?
First, there are those who would say, “I don’t like the music. It’s too loud, not loud enough, too traditional, too modern…” You get the idea. Perhaps these people come to church to be entertained. Here’s a real surprise for those folks – we don’t attend church to be entertained. We attend to worship the Almighty God. The Wesleyan Catechism states that our chief purpose in life is to praise God and that is why we worship.
Others complain about the temperature - it’s either too hot or too cold, or too stuffy. Or the color of the carpet or walls is wrong, or the time the service starts or the time it ends doesn’t please them……again, you get the idea. This may come as a real shock to these people – how can I say this gently? Well, let me be frank – it’s not about you. It’s all about HIM – and only Him. Certainly, we don’t want frozen statues sitting on the pews by the end of the service, but try and set aside your discomfort long enough to bask in the presence of your Abba Father. I promise – His presence will warm you up in no time.
And then, there’s the poor pastor – who some complain about and secretly (or maybe not so secretly) don’t even like. They disagree with what he preaches, even if it is straight from the Bible. They don’t like how he preaches or how long he preaches. A five-minute sermon should only last 2 ½ minutes in their opinion. They have “roast pastor” every Sunday for lunch and they share their feelings with everyone in the congregation and half the community, too.
So how do we deal with these people? Our first inclination might be to say (we are human, after all) “Don’t let the back door hit ya’ where the good Lord split ya!” As much as we might want to say that – we can’t. And in fact, we should repent for even wanting to say it. And yes, you might as well be honest and confess you have felt this way at times.
Our first action that God calls us to is to love them. “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt. 19:19). We don’t have to buy into their complaints and certainly should not buy into any gossip they are spreading. We should, in fact, gently and lovingly correct them if they are gossiping (see 3 John 1:10). If they do not receive our correction, we should encourage them to meet privately with the deacons, or better yet, the pastor himself. Who better to address their concerns than the leadership of the church? Then our responsibility is to 1) continue to love them, 2) pray that the person(s) will schedule that appointment and 3) pray that the meeting will go well and all issues will be resolved.
What these people should not do is leave the church without talking to the pastor or one of the elders. If they leave without letting a leader know why they are leaving, the issues they have with that church will follow them to the next church…and the next….and the next… Even if the person(s) has a serious issue with the pastor himself, it needs to be addressed. Once the issue has been discussed with the pastor, if the person(s) still desire to leave, they can do so, knowing they have done the right thing by giving the pastor the opportunity to discuss the issue. And the pastor, although he may regret the person(s) leaving, will know that he took advantage of that meeting to listen and discuss the person(s) issues and hopefully, offer solutions. This is the only correct way people who are unhappy should leave their church.
So if you are unhappy with something or someone at your church, go talk to God. Then go talk to your pastor. It is the right thing to do.
(c) 2008 Edwina E. Cowgill
We live in a transitional society. People are constantly moving from one city to another, from one coast to the other and even from one country to another. Some families are so accustomed to moving that they never completely unpack – leaving things rarely used (but just can’t be parted from) in boxes in the garage or attic. I have read that the average family moves 11 times over their lifespan, approximately once every 7 years. This also means that if they attend church, they belong to at least 11 churches during their life. But moving out of the city or state is an acceptable reason to find a new church. After all, one cannot drive across the state or fly across the country and back every Sunday to attend church. It is wisdom to find a church that preaches and practices one’s beliefs in one’s new location.
But what about people who leave the church for wrong reasons and in the wrong manner?
First, there are those who would say, “I don’t like the music. It’s too loud, not loud enough, too traditional, too modern…” You get the idea. Perhaps these people come to church to be entertained. Here’s a real surprise for those folks – we don’t attend church to be entertained. We attend to worship the Almighty God. The Wesleyan Catechism states that our chief purpose in life is to praise God and that is why we worship.
Others complain about the temperature - it’s either too hot or too cold, or too stuffy. Or the color of the carpet or walls is wrong, or the time the service starts or the time it ends doesn’t please them……again, you get the idea. This may come as a real shock to these people – how can I say this gently? Well, let me be frank – it’s not about you. It’s all about HIM – and only Him. Certainly, we don’t want frozen statues sitting on the pews by the end of the service, but try and set aside your discomfort long enough to bask in the presence of your Abba Father. I promise – His presence will warm you up in no time.
And then, there’s the poor pastor – who some complain about and secretly (or maybe not so secretly) don’t even like. They disagree with what he preaches, even if it is straight from the Bible. They don’t like how he preaches or how long he preaches. A five-minute sermon should only last 2 ½ minutes in their opinion. They have “roast pastor” every Sunday for lunch and they share their feelings with everyone in the congregation and half the community, too.
So how do we deal with these people? Our first inclination might be to say (we are human, after all) “Don’t let the back door hit ya’ where the good Lord split ya!” As much as we might want to say that – we can’t. And in fact, we should repent for even wanting to say it. And yes, you might as well be honest and confess you have felt this way at times.
Our first action that God calls us to is to love them. “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt. 19:19). We don’t have to buy into their complaints and certainly should not buy into any gossip they are spreading. We should, in fact, gently and lovingly correct them if they are gossiping (see 3 John 1:10). If they do not receive our correction, we should encourage them to meet privately with the deacons, or better yet, the pastor himself. Who better to address their concerns than the leadership of the church? Then our responsibility is to 1) continue to love them, 2) pray that the person(s) will schedule that appointment and 3) pray that the meeting will go well and all issues will be resolved.
What these people should not do is leave the church without talking to the pastor or one of the elders. If they leave without letting a leader know why they are leaving, the issues they have with that church will follow them to the next church…and the next….and the next… Even if the person(s) has a serious issue with the pastor himself, it needs to be addressed. Once the issue has been discussed with the pastor, if the person(s) still desire to leave, they can do so, knowing they have done the right thing by giving the pastor the opportunity to discuss the issue. And the pastor, although he may regret the person(s) leaving, will know that he took advantage of that meeting to listen and discuss the person(s) issues and hopefully, offer solutions. This is the only correct way people who are unhappy should leave their church.
So if you are unhappy with something or someone at your church, go talk to God. Then go talk to your pastor. It is the right thing to do.
(c) 2008 Edwina E. Cowgill
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Look in the Mirror
“What you persistently think, eventually, but inevitably, crystallizes into the words you speak and then into the things you do.” (The 4:8 Principle, Tommy Newberry)
In other words, what you think about yourself will influence everything you say and everything you do. You begin to believe what you say about yourself. And once you believe what you say about yourself, you will begin to act that way.
If you tell yourself you are worthless and unlovable, you will begin to believe you are worthless and unlovable. And once you believe it, you will begin to act as if you are worthless and unlovable. You will begin to dress with no thought as to how you look. You will develop an “I don’t care what other people think of me” attitude. You may even begin to act wild and reckless, doing foolish and stupid things because your mind tells you no one else cares about you – so why should you care. The way of dressing, the “I don’t care” attitude, even the reckless living are all defense mechanisms to keep from getting hurt. No one wants to be considered a worthless, unlovable person – and no one is. As the old saying goes, “God didn’t create junk.” To put it another way, God didn’t create worthless, unlovable people. He created us in His own image. But because of circumstances in which we were wounded emotionally, we tell ourselves these things until we believe them. Or even worse, some primary person or persons in our lives have told us that we are not lovable, not worthy of their attention, their time, their love.
So how do we change our “stinkin’ thinkin’?” We first have to know who our worth comes from. It doesn’t come from our parents, our heritage or our place in the family. It doesn’t come from our social status, the amount of education we have or our place in the community. And it doesn’t come from who we married or how much money we have in the bank or what we do for a living. Our worth comes only from God. Yes, that’s right – GOD.
God created us in His own image and God is not junk!
So back to the question – how do you change your thinking about yourself? You must begin to believe that you do have worth, but it is worth that comes from God – from belonging to Him and knowing who you are in Him. Look at yourself in the mirror every morning and tell yourself, “I am worthy because God created me and I have worth in Him.” Repeat this to yourself several times throughout the day. This is not the power of positive thinking – this is a fact you are stating in order to plant this truth into your heart! Act like you believe it. Dress like you believe it. The more you say it, the more you will believe it. And the more you believe it, the more you will act like it. Before you know it, you will see yourself as God sees you – worthy and lovable.
(c) 2008 Edwina E. Cowgill
In other words, what you think about yourself will influence everything you say and everything you do. You begin to believe what you say about yourself. And once you believe what you say about yourself, you will begin to act that way.
If you tell yourself you are worthless and unlovable, you will begin to believe you are worthless and unlovable. And once you believe it, you will begin to act as if you are worthless and unlovable. You will begin to dress with no thought as to how you look. You will develop an “I don’t care what other people think of me” attitude. You may even begin to act wild and reckless, doing foolish and stupid things because your mind tells you no one else cares about you – so why should you care. The way of dressing, the “I don’t care” attitude, even the reckless living are all defense mechanisms to keep from getting hurt. No one wants to be considered a worthless, unlovable person – and no one is. As the old saying goes, “God didn’t create junk.” To put it another way, God didn’t create worthless, unlovable people. He created us in His own image. But because of circumstances in which we were wounded emotionally, we tell ourselves these things until we believe them. Or even worse, some primary person or persons in our lives have told us that we are not lovable, not worthy of their attention, their time, their love.
So how do we change our “stinkin’ thinkin’?” We first have to know who our worth comes from. It doesn’t come from our parents, our heritage or our place in the family. It doesn’t come from our social status, the amount of education we have or our place in the community. And it doesn’t come from who we married or how much money we have in the bank or what we do for a living. Our worth comes only from God. Yes, that’s right – GOD.
God created us in His own image and God is not junk!
So back to the question – how do you change your thinking about yourself? You must begin to believe that you do have worth, but it is worth that comes from God – from belonging to Him and knowing who you are in Him. Look at yourself in the mirror every morning and tell yourself, “I am worthy because God created me and I have worth in Him.” Repeat this to yourself several times throughout the day. This is not the power of positive thinking – this is a fact you are stating in order to plant this truth into your heart! Act like you believe it. Dress like you believe it. The more you say it, the more you will believe it. And the more you believe it, the more you will act like it. Before you know it, you will see yourself as God sees you – worthy and lovable.
(c) 2008 Edwina E. Cowgill
Filling the Empty Void
We all long for it. Every woman does, even Christian women. Articles have been written about it. Bookshelves in Christian and secular bookstores are filled to capacity with books on how to be fulfilled, how to find “it.” We buy these books and devour them looking for answers, we go to classes based on these and other equally eloquent books but we come away from those classes more discontented than ever before. We strive harder by working harder in our careers and volunteering for our church and other charitable organizations. That doesn’t work either. I don’t think most of us even know what we’re striving for. We just know we’re disappointed when we don’t find “it.”
We read love stories and watch chic flicks. Our eyes widen as the man and woman come together in a passionate embrace and kiss. If our eyes are the windows to our soul, then they are a dead give-away as our heart cries out, “I WANT THAT!” Immediately the guilt that we carry around like a backpack intensifies as we look at our significant other and remind ourselves again how we are so very blessed. “He’s good to me and the kids. He provides for us. He’s dependable and safe and solid.” Even though dependable, safe and solid is good, it’s not what we are looking for, or even what we want. We want passion and romance. We want to be desired and desirable. We want to be beautiful. And we want to be pursued.
I think now is the time to remind ourselves that those passionate embraces and kisses in the chic flicks are just two people acting. Those romance novels (come on now – admit it – you have read them) are stories that have been created in someone’s mind with the hope of filling that empty space we all have. (No criticism intended here as I write Christian romance stories myself.) Those love stories are just that – stories. Boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love. Problem arises. Boy and girl break up. Boy and girl make up (now there’s a surprise). Boy and girl live happily ever after in a wonderfully passionate and perfect relationship. Over time, if we watch enough romantic movies and read enough romance novels, we believe that is reality. Not the 9-5 job, home-to-cook-dinner, do laundry, check homework, get kids’ baths, etc., which becomes to us the drudgery of our true life. These movies and books, TV shows and soap operas make us long even more for that fulfillment that eludes us. In turn, we become vulnerable.
I am addicted to a reality show on TLC called “What Not to Wear.” There is not one woman in America who would not give up her firstborn to be on that show. Oh, she’ll deny it, of course, but given the opportunity, she’d be in front of that 360-degree mirror in a New York minute! No woman in her right mind would pass up the opportunity for a brand new $5000 wardrobe that has been selected by professionals, a sexy new haircut and to-die-for makeup job. Why? Why does this appeal to every woman from 10 years old to 100?
Many of us do the same thing with the latest fashion magazines. We pour over every picture of every perfect size 8 model wondering why we can’t look just like her. Never mind that she has been airbrushed to perfection. Those dark circles and bags under her eyes have been obliterated. The zits have been zapped. The frizzes have been tamed with the wonder of the airbrush. Why do we do this to ourselves? Because not only do we want to feel beautiful, we want to BE beautiful. We want others to see us as beautiful. We think to ourselves “If he (fill in your significant other’s name here) thinks I’m beautiful, he will love me more…….meet my needs……… make me happy……………… fill this void.” So what are we missing in our lives that causes us to have this constant longing to be loved, pursued, romanced? Why can’t we get that from our husband or boyfriend?
This void - - this empty place in our heart - - is bigger than man. Our husband or boyfriend can’t fill this void no matter how hard they try. Our parents can’t fill it. Neither can our best girlfriends. Only God can fill it because it is God-shaped and God-sized. God wants each of us to be dependent solely upon Him for our fulfillment, for our happiness and for our completeness.
So now we know Who can fill the void. Our mind understands, even accepts, this fact. But our heart doesn’t. In other words, we don’t really believe it. We don’t believe that God loves us with an everlasting, unconditional love. Yet that is a promise for all of us found in Jeremiah 31:3. He tells us in the book of Song of Solomon that one look from us steals His heart. One translation says “one look from us ravishes His heart.” 1 Ravish means “to overwhelm somebody with deep and pleasurable feelings or emotions.” But we cannot believe He feels that way about us. We can believe He feels that way about other women (and men too, of course)! After all, they never miss women’s meetings at church. They sing in the choir, and teach a Sunday school class. They head up the church’s local nursing home ministry. They visit the sick and take home-cooked meals to them. They home-school their children. All of this while designing and making all of their Christmas decorations and gifts. They are the Super Women of Christianity. We tell ourselves we do not want to be those women. (Well, okay. Maybe just a little.) We just want to be loved. Desired. Beautiful. Pursued. And we are. So why can’t we believe it and receive it?
I believe that we have unknowingly and unwittingly allowed the enemy access to our heart and mind in this area. You may have a hard time buying into that, but hear me out. We have been manipulated by Satan into comparing ourselves to air-brushed perfection and Super Women of Christianity. We look at them and say to ourselves “Oh, I could never be that gorgeous” or “I could never be like them.” We get further involved in life – taking care of kids, elderly parents, home, job, friends, this list could go on. We let our needs of being pursued and desired die a slow death and we quietly bury them. And the enemy has us right where he wants us- defeated, disillusioned and depressed.
We are afraid that if people knew us – really knew us – and what we had done and said in the past, they would be horrified. John Eldredge says in his book, Sacred Romance “we long to be known and we fear it like nothing else. Most people live with a subtle dread that one day they will be discovered for who they really are and the world will be appalled.” We have this same fear with God. We believe that if He knew all we had done, He would want nothing to do with us. Breaking News: He already knows and He loves us still. Unconditionally, relentlessly, passionately. He sees all our flaws, blemishes and warts. And loves us anyway. “But you don’t know what I’ve done,” you think. No, but God does. And it doesn’t even matter – He loves you anyway! Remember that verse from Jeremiah that I referred to earlier? “For I know the plans I have for you……….” God’s plan for you and me has always been that He would fill the void in your life. Knowing how much He loves you and accepting that love opens the way for you to realize and fulfill the dreams and visions God has placed within you.
There’s the key. Accepting God’s love. “How?” you ask. “How can I accept His love, knowing the things that I have done against Him?” First, you must remember that when you sinned, God’s love for you never changed, even then. He did not condone the sin, but neither did He condemn you. Second, His word says that “when you confess your sins, He is faithful and just to forgive you of your sins and to cleanse you from all unrighteousness.” 2 When God forgives you of your sin, He never, ever remembers them again. Third, if you are a believer in Christ, you accepted Him by faith. You do the same thing with His love for you. You begin every day to accept His love by faith until there is such a reality of His love in your life that His love begins to spill over from you to others.
Wouldn’t you relish living the experience of His love every day? Everlasting love. Unconditional love. He pursues us and draws us to Him every day with a passionate and relentless love that only He can give us. Open your heart and receive His love, allowing Him to fill that void in your life once and for all.
1 New King James Version
2 1 John 1:9
© 2009 Edwina E. Cowgill
We read love stories and watch chic flicks. Our eyes widen as the man and woman come together in a passionate embrace and kiss. If our eyes are the windows to our soul, then they are a dead give-away as our heart cries out, “I WANT THAT!” Immediately the guilt that we carry around like a backpack intensifies as we look at our significant other and remind ourselves again how we are so very blessed. “He’s good to me and the kids. He provides for us. He’s dependable and safe and solid.” Even though dependable, safe and solid is good, it’s not what we are looking for, or even what we want. We want passion and romance. We want to be desired and desirable. We want to be beautiful. And we want to be pursued.
I think now is the time to remind ourselves that those passionate embraces and kisses in the chic flicks are just two people acting. Those romance novels (come on now – admit it – you have read them) are stories that have been created in someone’s mind with the hope of filling that empty space we all have. (No criticism intended here as I write Christian romance stories myself.) Those love stories are just that – stories. Boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love. Problem arises. Boy and girl break up. Boy and girl make up (now there’s a surprise). Boy and girl live happily ever after in a wonderfully passionate and perfect relationship. Over time, if we watch enough romantic movies and read enough romance novels, we believe that is reality. Not the 9-5 job, home-to-cook-dinner, do laundry, check homework, get kids’ baths, etc., which becomes to us the drudgery of our true life. These movies and books, TV shows and soap operas make us long even more for that fulfillment that eludes us. In turn, we become vulnerable.
I am addicted to a reality show on TLC called “What Not to Wear.” There is not one woman in America who would not give up her firstborn to be on that show. Oh, she’ll deny it, of course, but given the opportunity, she’d be in front of that 360-degree mirror in a New York minute! No woman in her right mind would pass up the opportunity for a brand new $5000 wardrobe that has been selected by professionals, a sexy new haircut and to-die-for makeup job. Why? Why does this appeal to every woman from 10 years old to 100?
Many of us do the same thing with the latest fashion magazines. We pour over every picture of every perfect size 8 model wondering why we can’t look just like her. Never mind that she has been airbrushed to perfection. Those dark circles and bags under her eyes have been obliterated. The zits have been zapped. The frizzes have been tamed with the wonder of the airbrush. Why do we do this to ourselves? Because not only do we want to feel beautiful, we want to BE beautiful. We want others to see us as beautiful. We think to ourselves “If he (fill in your significant other’s name here) thinks I’m beautiful, he will love me more…….meet my needs……… make me happy……………… fill this void.” So what are we missing in our lives that causes us to have this constant longing to be loved, pursued, romanced? Why can’t we get that from our husband or boyfriend?
This void - - this empty place in our heart - - is bigger than man. Our husband or boyfriend can’t fill this void no matter how hard they try. Our parents can’t fill it. Neither can our best girlfriends. Only God can fill it because it is God-shaped and God-sized. God wants each of us to be dependent solely upon Him for our fulfillment, for our happiness and for our completeness.
So now we know Who can fill the void. Our mind understands, even accepts, this fact. But our heart doesn’t. In other words, we don’t really believe it. We don’t believe that God loves us with an everlasting, unconditional love. Yet that is a promise for all of us found in Jeremiah 31:3. He tells us in the book of Song of Solomon that one look from us steals His heart. One translation says “one look from us ravishes His heart.” 1 Ravish means “to overwhelm somebody with deep and pleasurable feelings or emotions.” But we cannot believe He feels that way about us. We can believe He feels that way about other women (and men too, of course)! After all, they never miss women’s meetings at church. They sing in the choir, and teach a Sunday school class. They head up the church’s local nursing home ministry. They visit the sick and take home-cooked meals to them. They home-school their children. All of this while designing and making all of their Christmas decorations and gifts. They are the Super Women of Christianity. We tell ourselves we do not want to be those women. (Well, okay. Maybe just a little.) We just want to be loved. Desired. Beautiful. Pursued. And we are. So why can’t we believe it and receive it?
I believe that we have unknowingly and unwittingly allowed the enemy access to our heart and mind in this area. You may have a hard time buying into that, but hear me out. We have been manipulated by Satan into comparing ourselves to air-brushed perfection and Super Women of Christianity. We look at them and say to ourselves “Oh, I could never be that gorgeous” or “I could never be like them.” We get further involved in life – taking care of kids, elderly parents, home, job, friends, this list could go on. We let our needs of being pursued and desired die a slow death and we quietly bury them. And the enemy has us right where he wants us- defeated, disillusioned and depressed.
We are afraid that if people knew us – really knew us – and what we had done and said in the past, they would be horrified. John Eldredge says in his book, Sacred Romance “we long to be known and we fear it like nothing else. Most people live with a subtle dread that one day they will be discovered for who they really are and the world will be appalled.” We have this same fear with God. We believe that if He knew all we had done, He would want nothing to do with us. Breaking News: He already knows and He loves us still. Unconditionally, relentlessly, passionately. He sees all our flaws, blemishes and warts. And loves us anyway. “But you don’t know what I’ve done,” you think. No, but God does. And it doesn’t even matter – He loves you anyway! Remember that verse from Jeremiah that I referred to earlier? “For I know the plans I have for you……….” God’s plan for you and me has always been that He would fill the void in your life. Knowing how much He loves you and accepting that love opens the way for you to realize and fulfill the dreams and visions God has placed within you.
There’s the key. Accepting God’s love. “How?” you ask. “How can I accept His love, knowing the things that I have done against Him?” First, you must remember that when you sinned, God’s love for you never changed, even then. He did not condone the sin, but neither did He condemn you. Second, His word says that “when you confess your sins, He is faithful and just to forgive you of your sins and to cleanse you from all unrighteousness.” 2 When God forgives you of your sin, He never, ever remembers them again. Third, if you are a believer in Christ, you accepted Him by faith. You do the same thing with His love for you. You begin every day to accept His love by faith until there is such a reality of His love in your life that His love begins to spill over from you to others.
Wouldn’t you relish living the experience of His love every day? Everlasting love. Unconditional love. He pursues us and draws us to Him every day with a passionate and relentless love that only He can give us. Open your heart and receive His love, allowing Him to fill that void in your life once and for all.
1 New King James Version
2 1 John 1:9
© 2009 Edwina E. Cowgill
Monday, June 1, 2009
Old, New, Surprise! Surprise!
I am an old writer. Not old in years - - well, not too old, anyway. But old in the sense that I've been writing for a long time. I began journaling at least 15 years ago. I haven't journaled everyday of those 15 years, but enough to have accumulated quite a few spiral-bound notebooks full of my random and not-so-random thoughts. The good thing about keeping a journal is it won't talk back. It won't give you its opinion or tell you what you are doing wrong. The bad thing about keeping a journal is it won't talk back. "People Need Other People" is an old song (yes, I realize I'm close to giving my age away). This song title says it all. We need each other. We need to hear the voice of reason from our best friend, or parents and yes, sometimes the voice of reason comes from our children. And we need to be hugged, or at least be affectionately touched. Scientific research has shown that every individual needs a minimum of 10 positive touches a day. So, go hug your kids. And your spouse. You will be glad you did.
Ah, but I digress.
I am a new writer. About 18 months ago, God spoke to me as I was reading His Word and journaling and He said I was to begin writing. I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing. I've always said "I'm not creative. When God was passing out the creativity genes, He passed right by me without stopping." But the thought would not leave me. I took four online creative writing classes and I've never looked back. Which leads me to...
Surprise! Surprise! Imagine my total shock when I received an email yesterday that one, possibly two, of the short stories I had entered into a contest had made it to the short list. I was, and still am, very surprised. To be this new in the writing arena and have one of the first things I wrote make it onto the short list of a prestigious contest is nothing short of amazing. To me, at least. But not to God. After all, He gave me that creativity.
(c) 2009 Edwina E. Cowgill
Ah, but I digress.
I am a new writer. About 18 months ago, God spoke to me as I was reading His Word and journaling and He said I was to begin writing. I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing. I've always said "I'm not creative. When God was passing out the creativity genes, He passed right by me without stopping." But the thought would not leave me. I took four online creative writing classes and I've never looked back. Which leads me to...
Surprise! Surprise! Imagine my total shock when I received an email yesterday that one, possibly two, of the short stories I had entered into a contest had made it to the short list. I was, and still am, very surprised. To be this new in the writing arena and have one of the first things I wrote make it onto the short list of a prestigious contest is nothing short of amazing. To me, at least. But not to God. After all, He gave me that creativity.
(c) 2009 Edwina E. Cowgill
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